Everyday faith
How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things Jesus asks of us, and one of the most freeing. What it is, what it is not, and honest steps for when you cannot just let it go.
Forgiveness is choosing to release someone from the debt they owe you for the wrong they did — handing the right to get even over to God. It is one of the hardest things Jesus asks of His followers, and one of the most freeing.
One testimony from the baptism tank at Jesus Festival 2026 was simply, “I was lost — who would have thought Jesus led me here!” Every story of meeting Jesus is a story of being forgiven. Learning to forgive others is how that story keeps going.
Why Jesus asks us to forgive
Because we have been forgiven. In the prayer Jesus taught, we ask God to “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” When Peter asked if forgiving someone seven times was enough, Jesus said seventy-seven times — in other words, stop counting.
Forgiveness is not only for the other person. Bitterness has a way of keeping the hurt alive long after the event, and of shaping us into people we do not want to be.
What forgiveness is not
It is not pretending it did not hurt, or that it was not wrong. It is not forgetting; you may remember for the rest of your life. It is not the same as trust, which has to be rebuilt over time and may sometimes wisely never be given again.
And it is not staying in a harmful situation. Forgiving someone who has abused you does not mean returning to them or keeping silent. If you are being harmed, you can forgive and still protect yourself, set firm boundaries and seek help. Forgiveness also does not cancel consequences; reporting a crime is not a failure to forgive.
Honest steps when you cannot just let it go
Name it. Write down what happened and how it affected you. You cannot forgive a debt you will not look at. Tell God the truth about how you feel; the Psalms are full of honest anger handed over to Him.
Decide. Forgiveness usually begins as a decision before it becomes a feeling. You might pray, “God, I choose to forgive them for this. I give up my right to repay them. Help me mean it.” Then expect to pray it again when the hurt comes back. That is not failure; that is how forgiveness works.
Bless. Jesus told His followers to pray for those who mistreat them. Praying for the person, even through gritted teeth, slowly changes your heart toward them.
Reconciliation is a separate step
Forgiveness takes one person; reconciliation takes two. You can forgive someone who never apologizes. Reconciliation — restoring the relationship — needs honesty, repentance and rebuilt trust on both sides, and it is not always possible or safe. Do what you can, and leave the rest with God.
When you need help
Some wounds are too deep to work through alone. A pastor, a wise Christian friend or a counsellor can help. At Jesus Festival 2026 there was a Freedom & Inner Healing Team for people carrying deeper hurts; churches offer the same kind of care all year.
You are forgiven
Start with what Jesus has done
Forgiving others flows from knowing you are forgiven. If that is new to you, start here.
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
— Colossians 3:13
Keep going
Help for the road.
Questions people ask
What does the Bible say about forgiveness?
The Bible calls believers to forgive others as God has forgiven them (Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32). In the Lord's Prayer, Jesus links receiving forgiveness with forgiving others, and He told Peter to forgive seventy-seven times.
Does forgiving someone mean I have to trust them again?
No. Forgiveness releases the debt; trust is rebuilt over time and may sometimes wisely not be given again. Forgiving someone also does not mean staying in a harmful situation.
How do I forgive someone when I still feel angry?
Forgiveness often starts as a decision before it becomes a feeling. Name the hurt honestly, choose to release the person to God, pray for them, and expect to renew that choice when the feelings return.
What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?
Forgiveness takes one person and can happen even without an apology. Reconciliation restores the relationship and requires honesty, repentance and rebuilt trust from both sides.